it's been like one month plus since i've updated this dead blog...
don't ask me why...it's complicating...lols....
anyways...recently i've came up with the stupid-dess thing to actually /???..you knowwww..
then i've thought it over like a million times..
every second or every moment i hadn't got anything on my mind then it'll come straight into mine......
how dumb can i be to actually think like that...so stupid.....!!
my condition is i've lost my LOVE and my 2 best friends...
well......i'm sure out there there's many better guys that will actually deserve me....
oh he'll even come back to me one day..
i mean who knows...but i'm not gonna put my hopes high at all...cause the future is like really really unpredictable....u seriously NEVER know wad's gonna happen..one day u'll feel like u've got everything and don't need anything anymore and in a snap u've lost everything....it's possible k..it happened to me......
the thing that actually changed my mind was when i read meiyi's blog
i mean not read....*saw the pics*
I WANNA SIT WITH THE LOVE OF MY LIFE and we'll just talk bout anything
I WANNA BE WITH THE LOVE OF MY LIFE during a sun set on the beach..
I WANNA BE HELD BY THE LOVE OF MY LIFE forever ...and he'll never leave me
I WANNA BE WITH THE LOVE OF MY LIFE forever and ever....
no matter wad happens we'll be together forever....
sooo..if i actually ??? myself i'll never ever get those things that i want...
it's so so not worth it....
haihhss....
ohh...yesterday i was talking ??? then he told me that this gal and a guy they were together in form 3 and the broke up after 6 months ....the guy left the gal cause they weren't compatible at that moment...i mean HELLOOO form 3 we'll like so INNOCENT, IMMATURE and dunno how to think person...so actually no point having relationship at this time..i mean u're DEFINITELY not gonan get married with the person u're with when u're together with during secondary school rytee.....it's stupid....anyway back to the story...THEY'RE TOGETHER NOW...and their happier then ever....ehhehehehehe.......i'm so happy for them....fyi they're 19 yrs now....
puan ernice said *wouldn't it be better if this UNKNOWN person just walks into ur life and u just fall for him and u guys would have to much in common and then u get married...that would be like PERFECT.......
thought i was OVER it..
but NOO!
haihh....
why isit so hard...its already been closed to 2 weeks..
neways i'm sick AGAIN
i was sick like a month ago and now i'm sick AGAIN
this sucks man
like wtf must i get sick again
first it was a sore-throat
then i staretd sneezing like some idiot in mels hse and then got a HIGH FEVER
and and mels made a statement that i got sick cause of the cryings and all
but i've already stopped crying for one week de...whyyy???
i hate this so so much.....
maybe i should just ERASE u off my life so that i can move on totally
as in not even be friends with you
but i dun wanna lose u as my friend....
haihh..i dunno la
dun even feel like going for tuition tonight...
still got my blocked nose and FEVER!
FCUK it man!
fine...i shall not go for tuition...
newaysss waiting for jh to come back from school....i wanna know my KH and BM MARKS!
oh oh oh and thanks alot YWL!
i've got a freaking 47 for sej....happy now?!
my marks are like ok ok like but if he didn't do that to me a DAY b4 my exams i would have definitely done betterr!!
bm: ??
bi : 91 A
maths: 95 A
science: 66 B
geo: 77 A
sej: 47 C
kh: ??
...damn just wish i can get that A for bm and kh..hopefully
oh oh and mels room rite has that STUDY thingy sticked everywhere
cute but weird!
lols....thanks alot darls for ur time and alll yesterday
sry if i passed my germs to ur baby brothere.....hahahahahaha
i will definitely miss you so so fucking much
no more calling ur number and start telling bout my day
no more sms-ing till so LATE
no more trying to go out with you
no more trying to tell my mum bout you
no more everything
no more going to tuition earlier
no more hugs
no more YOU!
but there's nothing i can do now!
so i promise myself never to talk bout the memories i had with u anymore
just forget bout everything
bout the first time u held my hand
the first time u hugged me
the first time u called me
the first time we met again since standard 6
everything it's just gonna be gone from my heaD!
i can do it i know i can!
and i want to!
im just so dumb so so DUMB to fall for everything u said to me last time
wad was up with me man...god wake me up
k k....
i'm over !
helllooo!
dedicated to YOU
it's over
everything's over
i'm gonna forget bout you and all the past will be nothing to me now
although it's really hard but i've to try my best
cause i can never force you to be with me if u dun wan to
i know u're really pissed and fed up of me prodding you and badgering you to get back with me but i just couldn't control myself k?
and just now EVERYTHING you said to me hurt me till the B R I M weihhss
but it's ok life is never easy
there's definitely ups and downs in it
i had really special moments with you and i guess this is the hardest moment with you
oh well.....i guess time is gonna heal my broken heart now
and i've decided to tell my mum bout it
i still rmb bout 2 weeks ago i was like 90% telling my mum that u were my bf but now it's the total opposite....i really need someone there for me so i guess since she's my mother i'll tell her
when u said u were not gonna talk to me ever AGAIN
it hurt me so so so much
so i couldn't stop but begging u not to do that to me
i just really really wish u'll understand
so now i know that the reason we broke up was cause i dun listen to u rite
then i wonder if i change myself
as in listen to u more
will u still be with me
i'm not sure...
but i have to admit it will take me sometime to forget bout the past and all..
it's definitely not a one week thing or two weeks
maybe a month or more..
but i just wanna tell u being with you was the best time of my whole entire freaking life
i never felt so loved b4 and u were ALWAYS there for me
goshh...i have to focus on my exams so much
so i guess this is the only way i can release everything in my mind
hope u dun mind me writing all these on my blog....
i wanna be friends with you
and just friends if u dun mind
i just want u to be there for me when i'm down and maybe even share my joys next time
but there was a few promises u made to me and i wish u won't break them as it still can be carried out even if we're not together....
-to celebrate ur b'day with you
-celebrate my birthday with me
-and lastly go out on the last day of PMR...
i really wish u did not forget all those things k?
so i guess we're like friends friends now
maybe when time passes and all and when everything is normal again
we can be best friends!
lols..i'm so lame
ohh..and u did promise to sit with me in tuition k?
so i know it will definitely feel really awkward but rmb we forgot bout everything that ever happened....hehesss...
it's gonna be a hard time for me and i hope all my friends will be there to help me go through this phase of my life ....
gosh it's only been one day
and i've cried i think 6 times from morning till now 2.55 pm
i can't live without u
sometimes i think why live when i dun have u
so i wanna kill myself
but all my friends are like so many ppl care bout u
why do this to ur self...
i too wonder why k
maybe it's cause i love u too much
or isit it's not cause of u and it's bout other things
but there's no more other things
so i guess it's cause of u
i can't just treat u as my friend
cause u'ev become a part of me
and it's really really hard to take that part out of me
it's impossible actually
u guys must be wondering why in the world would i like a guy so much when he doens't love me...it's cause i think i found my mr.right...
it's really really hard to find one k...
and in life not anyone can be mr.right
and love IS about sacrificing....
i know u did love me...
why can't u just sacrifice for me
and now do this to me at the mids of my exams
if u were just a normal guy i would be fucking mad at u
but since u're just part of my heart i will always love u
no matter wad ever that happens u'll always be in my heart
i know i can save this
although u say we are 2 totaly different ppl
but mummie did tell me that opposite attracts
and i guess that is actually thE REASON u're so special to me
u think we dun suit each other
i've been with u for close to 4 months and now u tell me we dun suit
fine maybe i did tell u that i'll change for u and all
but u have to accept and know tht no one's perfect rite
i feel played u know
i talk to u for hours and hours on the phone so how can it be that we dun suit
if we dun suit i wouldn't even have anything to talk to ya
maybe we dun in another way......but i dunno la
i just feel that this relationship can still be saved if i did something now
but i can't do anything
all i'll do is sit in my room stare at my books and then just start crying
it's wad i'll jst do all day
even my exam papers just look all blank to me just now
u said u dun wanna continue this relationship
but deep down in ur heart i know u still love me at least abit
so dun give this up
i dun wanna be like this forever
haihhss...i really really dunno wad to do now
i want u back in my life again
not as a friend but more than that....<33
i decided to write bout this so that u can read it and i can express myself
it's been about 4 months and we've gone through so much
u made me so inlove with you
and when u just ignore me and leave me hanging out there without anything
i feel like there's no more point of living
why do i love u so much when u DON"T
how can someone who used to say things like "i love u so much"...just ignore me all a sudden
i dun think things will ever be the same again but i really do hope that u'll come up to me and explain urself...dun leave without an answer and just crying so many times for u
i've never cried in school until that fella made me cry in scouts
and today i did cry again
if i had a time machine, i would pause time when u loved me so much forever!
but were all those things that u said true
it makes me cuirious as u sounded that u really loved me last time but you can just forget bout me in ermmm less than a week
i know i cannnot force u to talk to me
but i'll just wanna tell u that i'm really really sad now and my mid-terms are so so screwed
u can't hide it from me forever so i really want u to tell me wad happened
and i want those times back so so so much now!
i hate hate hate crying...and now i have to do it everyday till u love me again
many people tell me u're not worth it but i only believe in wad my heart tells me
and my heart tells me u are and i'll do anything for u to come bak to me
writen by,
someone **
she might be the blurREST person on earth but nothin can replace her.....she's everything to me....gosh she's so adorable!
BEAUTY
INDULGENCE;
